Lynx is a wonderful deodorant, and anyone who disagrees is a dirty filthy liar who should be drowned in a bucket of their own acrid sweat.

Having said that, I can grasp why people get a little irked by it now and then. I mean, aside from the whole environmental argument of "sprays are bad, we should all use talc or simply stink", there's also the whole "it has a massively sexist ad campaign which is degrading towards women" standpoint. As I said, I can grasp these factors, but that doesn't mean I agree with them, especially not at the cost of me no longer smelling luscious.

Still, what amuses – possibly even bewilders – me is the wonderful realm of Lynx fragrances. Dark Temptation is the chocolatey one, which comes with the enlightening printed health warning of "This is not food". Another scent is Sharp Focus with its unmistakable piercing mintiness, the result being that your pits smell like a half-chewed stick of Wrigleys. My new favourite, however, is Instinct; this little beauty claims to exude "the scent of rare leathers" – gone are the days when your body smelt of common leathers like a DFS half price sale.

Personally I can't wait for Lynx Rhino to be released, which will allow a man to assume the aroma of a wallowing odd-toed ungulate, perfect for a night out on the town. Another useful variant that's currently in the testing stage is Lynx Brick, "For the man who knows that a real man should smell like a brick. A manly brick."

But amidst all this excitement, let's not forget good old, trustworthy Lynx Whelk, which should soon be gracing the toiletries aisle once again this summer. It's still the all-time bestselling fragrance and favourite amongst awkward schoolboys and studmuffins alike; because let's face it, if you already smell like an aquatic mollusk, things can only get better.